There are thousands of wonderful books, workbooks, articles, journals, and videos that explain what meditation is, the benefits of meditation, when to meditate, how to meditate, and why you should meditate. When you follow all these guidelines, you set your relaxing music, you choose a cozy spot at home or at the office, and you start meditating.

And…here they come! Thousands of unwanted thoughts start to intrude, swirling through and over and in and out of your mind. You try to push them away, but they keep coming back stronger and stronger. They are thoughts from your present as well as your past, thoughts you probably have not entertained in recent days, months, or years. And now, just when you have decided to try to meditate, they find the “perfect time” to harass your mind. You keep pushing them away and they keep coming back, stronger and stronger. Feeling frustrated, you get up and tell yourself, “I can’t meditate! How do people meditate?” you ask. “Why can’t I do it?” You end up dropping the whole meditation practice. “Meditation is just not for me!”

I have heard this story repeatedly from many of my clients in my practice over the years.

Think about this for a moment. Whether you have children or not, you have probably experienced or heard stories about what children often do to demand their parents’ attention the moment they get on an important phone call or are trying to do some important task. Children even interrupt our casual chat with friends.

The child is pulling on your dress or shirt or pants, trying to get your attention. You push the child away, saying you are on an important phone call. The child insists, starts pulling stronger, then starts whining, You get frustrated, but the child has no intention of letting you go. He or she wants your attention, and they want it now. You eventually give up. The child seems to be stronger than you are, and you cannot get your job done.

Studies reveal we have more than 6,000 thoughts each day. Our thoughts gather in our mind, and the moment we try to keep them quiet so we can meditate, they start acting like our children. They want our attention, and they want it now! You keep pushing them away as you try to quiet your mind, but they keep coming back stronger and stronger. You get frustrated, and the last thing you need during a meditation practice is frustration. So after many unsuccessful attempts to quiet your thoughts, you end up dropping the entire meditation practice.

Let us go back to the child now. Assume you acknowledge their need for attention just for a moment. You explain to them that you have heard their need and then give them a specific time when you will get back to them after you finish your important task. Be sure  to do this at the time you promised because they will be staring at that clock, waiting for you.

You can do the same with your thoughts. The secret is to be gentle and kind to your thoughts. They are only doing what they have always been doing: wanting your attention especially when you are not giving it to them.

Here is the “magic” phrase I have been using with great success over the years with my clients and my meditation groups: I hear you, I accept you, I acknowledge you, but I will set you aside for now and I will come back to you after my meditation practice. This phrase works wonderfully! You can repeat it as many times as you like during your meditation practice, and you can even mention a specific time for those thoughts to come back. You can even try it now. Read the phrase a couple of times to memorize it, then close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and as soon as a thought intrudes asking for your attention, just speak to it in your mind.

You can also be proactive and list on a sheet of paper a few thoughts or tasks that you are sure will haunt you during your meditation practice. You can also note down a specific time that you will get back to them. But remember, make sure you do so. Just like a little kid, if you break your promise once, they will not believe you the next time around.

Your meditation journey does not need to begin in frustration and disappointment. It can be more successful if it begins with love and patience. Note that anger and frustration are not part of any meditation practice, so it is best you keep these emotions away.

I encourage you to use this magic phrase. Be kind and gentle to your thoughts. Let them know you hear them, that you acknowledge them, but for now you will GENTLY and with KINDNESS set them aside and focus on your meditation.

Happy Meditating!